A time to be grateful One of the people who has been on ABBAMAIL's internet mailing list for many years began a new list topic today called "Christmas gratefulness". In her email to the list she wrote out all of the things she was grateful for in her life and acknowledged that, despite the many problems currently facing her with her health and job and family issues, she had much to be grateful for. What a terrific idea for a new thread on the list! I thought a lot about it today and I too realised that I also have a lot to be grateful for this Christmas. The last couple of years - since Universal Music Sweden & ABBA tried to close ABBAMAIL down and take legal action against us - have been a living hell. But, more recently, things seem to have finally started to turn around for me. I now have a full-time job that gives me public holidays off, occasional flex-days and annual leave. I work unbelievably hard and am always stressed but I seem to be enjoying the job and I am never bored at work. My very-high-maintenance boss seems to have finally realised that I'm doing a good job and I'm being treated with a lot more respect. The people I work with are mostly fun and they appreciate the humour and fun I try to bring to the workplace. They made a big fuss of me on my birthday a few weeks ago and said some really nice things to me on Friday, the last day at work prior to the Christmas break. I was really touched. This Christmas I have 11 days off in a row which is something of a miracle for me. It will feel as if I'm really having a holiday for the first time in a couple of years. I need it desperately and am so looking forward to it. As I write this I have had 2 days off and still have 9 to go - I don't go back to work until January 2. And I'll be paid during this time - like "normal" people who go to work I'm very grateful for this. Working as a "temp" just to survive these last years, you don't get paid for any kind of holiday, time off or if you are sick. So I am very grateful that I'm no longer in that situation. I'm also grateful that I will be spending Christmas with my best friend Grant. My partner in crime, my biggest support, the one person I can truly be completely myself with. I am grateful that we have been friends since November 4, 1978 (when he came around to my house in Adelaide and woke me up because he wanted to meet the President of the ABBA Fan Club!!!) and that we have achieved a lot - both individually and together. I am glad we can still make each other laugh and that we are still intensely loyal to each other. I am grateful that we both understand the value of loyalty in friendships and I'm glad that we'll be spending this Christmas together - just hanging around - walking, talking, window shopping, catching a movie perhaps - but generally just relaxing and chilling out. I am very grateful for the wonderful surprises I have had this year. Starting with the wonderful gifts and surprise party for the 10th Birthday of ABBAMAIL in January. I'm grateful for everything that happened surrounding that time - so many people were so wonderful to Grant and myself - the gifts we received and the organisation it took to make them happen and keep us in the dark so it could be a complete surprise...still mind boggling to me. I am grateful for the sense of accomplishment and acknowledgement and possibly even peace that this 10 Year celebration gave me. That ABBAMAILer Tony Becker from Sweden was there, that lovely Norma Parker did the pushing and pulling behind the scenes (from another state) to make the celebration on January 13th happen - these things make me feel both grateful and humble. A bunch of people came from Melbourne & Brisbane and it just blew me away. The people that ABBAMAIL has brought into my life also make me realise how lucky I am and how grateful I am for everything they've taught me. I'm grateful that I have been able to travel and meet so many ABBAMAILers all over the world. I'm grateful for their hospitality, their humour, their humanity and for the vibrant connections that occur when a bunch of ABBAMAILers get together. Sharing a life story, a laugh, a shared historical memory of something ABBA related - these have always been priceless moments to me. I am grateful for the very real friends I have made through ABBAMAIL and through my involvement in ABBA fandom generally. People like Lilly Madden-Scott, James O'Brien, Cliff Docherty in London...their friendships have enriched my life. I couldn't do without them! And speaking of friends and being grateful for them...another MAJOR surprise this year was Swedish ABBAMAILer and good friend Gustav Sandberg arriving in Australia in late February. It was another terrific kick in the head - needed to remind me how grateful I am that I started this thing called ABBAMAIL in 1997. Because without it I would not have met this (then) crazy, insecure, lonely Gay boy stuck on a farm outside Stockholm who turned into a lifelong friend for both Grant and myself. Here we are, a decade later, with all the ups and downs, Gustav is still in my life and still a friend. I am grateful for the reality of that friendship and his visit to Australia but also for the symbolism. I'm grateful that somebody up there likes to give me a kick up the bum from time to time when I'm feeling sorry for myself and remind me that wonderful things have happened in my life. And that I really do need to remember and appreciate that. Today might be the end of the world but that doesn't mean tomorrow will be. Who knows what's around the corner? I need to be grateful for the past, the present and for the wonderful things that might happen in the future. Which leads me to say that I am grateful that I have somehow found the determination to keep ABBAMAIL operating after the horrible attack initiated by Universal Music in Sweden and approved of by the members of ABBA. I'm grateful that I've been able to separate, in my head, the members of ABBA from ABBA music and ABBA fandom. The fact that I really don't like the members of ABBA as people anymore doesn't change the fact that I have been (and continue to be) an ABBA fan for over thirty years. I am grateful that, with all the awfulness I've experienced, I can still be as excited as a kid over something like seeing the trailer for Mamma Mia!, the movie. In fact I'm grateful that ABBA's music and their presence etc. came into my life when I was a teenager and that the appreciation of their music still continues inside me today. It was touch and go there for a while. But without ABBA in my life I would not have been driven to do and achieve everything I've done - like starting the ABBA fan club when I was 15, running national ABBA conventions, DJing at ABBA nights in Sydney pubs in the 80s, creating ABBAMAIL etc. etc. I had to learn how to write and produce newsletters, how to keep membership records of several thousand people, how to plan and execute functions and events, how to design and produce merchandise, how to stand up in front of few hundred people and speak clearly and confidently. I was pushed to learn and do all of this because of my connection with ABBA. I'm so, so grateful that I have been able to separate the fact that, while ABBA in 2007 may not be very nice people, some of their fans are very nice people indeed. And further to that, I am grateful that the unpleasant aspects of ABBA fandom - the jealousies, the competitiveness, the bitchiness, the obsessional behaviour, the fair weather friendships etc. - are still more than outweighed by the positive, life-affirming aspects. I'm sure all of us have been through times when we're so fed up with life, so unhappy, so unable to find the answers we need that we wished we weren't here anymore. I certainly have. But I am very grateful that I still am here on planet earth and that I still am working, watching, learning, listening, laughing, talking, walking, making other people laugh etc. etc. Every time I've felt like I just couldn't face the future, somehow, somewhere, something unexpected has happened to remind me that no, it isn't all bad and that yes, I have much to be grateful for. Many, many years ago, when I was at high school, like a lot of other ABBA fans I've met, I was bullied and tortured and excluded and always considered an "outsider" or a "freak". Some people, in this position, choose to conform, change themselves into something more "acceptable". However I am so grateful that I never did this. I never ended up conforming to what was expected of me. I just never "fit in" and I'm grateful that the crazy, loud, weird, Gay teenage Graeme has stayed crazy, weird and Gay and continued to be very, very loud! I was never popular or "in" with the "hip crowd" so at least I didn't have to suffer all that popularity/cool rating angst that high school kids go through! I'm grateful to the universe or to God or whatever for not letting my inner voice be crushed. I guess I'm saying I am really grateful that something kept me being "ME", rather than crushing me or letting me give up, cave in, change or conform. I would have missed out on so much if I had tried to be just like everyone else. And how much easier would it have been as an Aussie teenager in the late 70s to say I *didn't* like ABBA! How much easier would it have been to renounce them in the 80s. But I never did sell all my ABBA memorabilia or throw out my ABBA records. I'm really grateful for that. I never really even got out of ABBA fandom - I've been involved in organising or running things in one way or another since 1976. I just flashed back to one night in 1982 - at the height of the ABBA-hate period in Australia. A few of us in Sydney got all dressed up in our ABBA gear and walked through the main part of town. We wore ABBA hats, scarves, badges - the whole thing! It was an act of defiance and it totally freaked people out. Some people reacted aggressively towards us, others were just in shock. And some laughed at us of course - a kind of nervous laugh really! I'm really grateful that we did that. We were basically saying "Yes we DO love ABBA and yes we ARE proud of it so fuck you!!!" I'm grateful that I did stay true to my own course in life - even now when I say or do things that aren't 'popular' within ABBA fandom itself. We go through times when the consensus of much of ABBA fandom is that they absolutely *hate* ABBAMAIL. And other times when they just *love* us. We're the independent voice - the only independent voice in ABBA fandom come to think of it - so from time to time we are going to piss people off. Yes it's good to hear positive comments about our work but I don't feel like hiding in a cupboard when I get abusive emails from people. I love a good verbal punch up and I don't shy away from conflict. I think those early school years must have toughened me up somehow and I actually thrive on criticism. It's good to see a whole range of reactions that people have to the site so I'm even grateful for the critics and the haters too! ;-p And I'm grateful for all the small, stupid things that bring joy to my life in 2007: an episode of Ghost Whisperer, a new song from Kylie Minogue, well-done hot chips from my favourite fish'n'chip shop, a bus that arrives on time, a hot shower, a warm, sunny day in Sydney (when it isn't humid of course!). I'm grateful for those moments when I hear my favourite song in a shop unexpectedly and I get goose bumps or nostalgic or emotional or happy or whatever. I'm grateful for advances in technology that allow me to do things I hadn't even imagined when I was five or ten years old. Computers, software, laser printers, mobile phones, digital cameras and video recorders have all rocked my world in different ways. And yes, they do frustrate me like hell from time to time - but I know I'd be lost without them. I'm grateful for the beauty in the world that I see. When I walk down the street and see a really good looking guy, it makes very feel happy, it brings a smile to my face. Yes I'm even grateful that there are beautiful people to look at and appreciate - even if I can't take one home for my very own ;-) I'm grateful for the beautiful smells and beautiful colours and even some of the sounds I get to experience because I'm here on planet earth, living my life. I'm mad about blue - I'm so grateful that the colour blue was invented...and purple and red too...plus maybe a bit of yellow and green as well! My own personal colouring book ;-) Here I sit - at the ABBAMAIL PC on the evening of December 23rd, 2007...I look around me and see chaos all around my flat and yet I am grateful: I have a flat and the rent is presently up to date - over the last couple of years there have been times when it hasn't and there have also been times when I haven't even had money to buy food...so yes, even here in my flat there is much to be grateful for. The unholy mess that is ABBAMAIL HQ (also known as my flat!) has it's positive side ;-) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of our ABBAMAIL website visitors and I hope you spend a little time in the next week thinking about the things that you are grateful for in your life. Graeme Write to Graeme with your feedback and comments: graemer@zipworld.com.au PREVIOUS AT MY DESK | 
