Have you ever been in an emotional state, usually after being away from your regular routine, immersed in something or someone you love, blissfully unaware that time was precious ?

What has that done to you emotionally? Do you remember the feeling? Is it loss?

Tonight after 2 full days of the Sydney ABBA, A-Teens weekend I have nearly wept on about 8 different occasions. I think I've found a part of my soul that I thought was dead. There are certain words that I can say aloud, emotional "triggers" I've come to think of them as, that can reduce me into a blubbering mess. At one time earlier this evening all I had to do was THINK them and tears would stream down my face and I would have to physically force myself not to cry. Not yet. But it's bottled up and I think before the night is out I will succumb to it.

Let it all out.

Why? I'm not sad. Nothing bad has happened to me. I've had a fantastic weekend. I havent cried in years. I often get teary watching good emotional acting, but thats about it. Reading all your emotional responses to Russo's death I started to worry that maybe my heart was calloused, that maybe I just didn't have it in my heart to be saddened to tears by anything, let alone someone else's misfortune other than my own. Am I really that hard a bastard that all the disasters that befall our idols, our fellow ABBAMAILers and all those poor people in Turkey Egypt etc just depress me, so I wont wallow in that?.......'Quick, turn over to the TV page' to paraphrase Crowded House.

Well tonight its been an extreme act of will not to be a blubbing mess on the floor. Three hours since I left The ABBA Generation. I think there's a connection.

Some people have said theyre moved to tears by an ABBA song, or Kristina, or being with and separated from their friends. Perhaps it just took 20 hours of it straight, to finally get through to me.

Oh sure I've had a busy weekend without much sleep, but the fact is I'm emotionally raw. Moved. In a trough caused by the end of quite a high. I'm back to real life and I'd rather be back there, in another world.

Im saying all this dreck because it is the highest compliment I can think of to Graeme Read and his team. It takes an exceptional weekend to bring ME to THIS.

Because Graeme understands at the end of the day a good convention is about more than ABBA Supermarkets and Karaoke competitions like the one I was at in Bristol last year.

Its about heart. Its about passion. And as stupid as it sounds to the cynic or the unconverted when talking about any music let alone Abba's, its about that tear inducing emotion called love.

Unexpectantly at this convention I rediscovered something I'd forgotten, the feeling of belonging, the feelings God put inside us. We're such complex creatures (mutated and evolved from slime my butt!) and the gift of music was given to touch our souls. Consider mine well and truly touched.

To all who are hurting or sad, at this moment I AM sorry. I hope you find peace and love.

Is it naff to say I feel blessed to have been a part of this weekend?

I dont know how Graeme Ian Ian Fiona and anyone who I've forgotten who worked their butts off this weekend are feeling right now, now that its all over. Pretty empty I expect. Perhaps numbed a bit by some celebratory alchohol. But they should also be proud.

If you could have been there and you weren't, your loss. If you were there thank you. You made it special. If you think "does he mean ME?" then the answer is yes. If you sent videos or merchandise, thank you, sincerely.

It was a team effort. It shows what can be achieved if we warring, spiteful humans have a common love.

I'll write more of why it was such a good weekend when I get myself together again, probably after a good cry. Perhaps not. Maybe that time has past. Maybe I dont even have to wait for a good nights sleep to be back to how I was before. Maybe writing about it, analyzing it has made it fade.

Down the line I'll regret sending this, no doubt,having no idea, of how I could have felt this.

I hope not.

Jeff, Sydney Australia